Friday, August 23, 2013

Uncertainties...












Unhurriedly boxing my life away. The kitchen already feels empty and desolated; a forlorn echo runs through it, filling up every crannies and bare spaces with its peculiar melody.

Our house hasn't been sold yet; nonetheless, it is not for us to called it "home" any more. I cannot call it 'my nest' any longer. An odd feeling has accommodated itself inside my brain; it has absorbed my reasoning, I'm just a stranger vaguely moving from room to room in a large unfamiliar house, not knowing exactly what to do next, or what to pack first, or what else should be donated, or given away or thrown away. 

The pantry is a scary place; a scary job to tackle; therefore, I am leaving it as is for now.

In anticipation of that cottage of my dreams, some of my furniture have been repainted all in white; hardwares in black. I've finished them up with a coat of an oil-based clear polyurethane varnish for some extra glossy luxury. I know exactly how I want to decorate this new home of my dreams just using what I already have; know exactly how would it look and feel, as I try to achieve the homey feeling and elegant coziness I am hoping for...

The garden has been uncared for almost throughout the entire summer. It has slip out of my hands without my consent and it is now resembling the rampant wildness of a jungle; all tangled up, and unkempt and unloved. Not as I used to anyways... not as loved and cared for as it once was.

I want to be quiet when I'm there; when I watch it fade away into dimness and muteness at the first kiss of twilight. It is a sad place, or perhaps, is it just my heart?

Today, we brought in a couple of professional landscapers for an estimate, to have the garden cleaned and thinned out. It amounted to $600.00. I guess I will be doing all that job myself now.

I am physically and emotionally exhausted, and I don't know exactly how to proceed. I need to find a new job soon. But where? Here? There? My husband is starting his new job the week after Labor Day. I'm staying behind until our home here is sold... when would that be? And how long would I have to wait or stay here alone? I don't like uncertainties.  I like this quote from Vincent van Gogh: "For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream".

That's what I'll be doing tonight...

Thank you for being here with me my friends.

13 comments:

  1. I will be praying for some peace-of-heart for you, my friend- xo Diana

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  2. Hang in there dear everything will be alright. Just try and stay busy and soon you will be with your husband, in your new home.
    My prayers are with you.
    Mary

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  3. It is heartbreaking to leave a place that has so much of your love in it, but keep believing in tomorrow and the joys that are coming. Before you know it all this will pass and you'll be creating a new home for your heart to revel in. You are in my prayers.
    Serena

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  4. Cielo
    My family has been apart for months at a time...we have moved about every four years....
    And one thing I know for certain is that you have to put the past behind you and look into the future with open eyes and an adventurous spirit. You are not leaving behind anything, but bringing all your love, joys, passions...to a new pace to enchant. This new place needs you, and you will make it home.
    Don't say goodbye to your fairies and magical world, rather invite it one evening, when you are alone in the garden, sipping tea...invite them to join you on your new adventure! I am positive they will jump at the chance!
    Peace in your soul my friend....I will say a prayer that the changes come about when they are meant to be!
    BG

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  5. Hi-I agree with Ballerina Girl-keep looking forward-we moved to a Log cabin in the woods after years of raising our kids in our stick house. What an adventure for my hubby and I- We are having a blast:). Christ's desire for us is to walk by Faith. It is radical for a lot of people to walk by faith. But it is the only way to go,when you are in the Family of Christ:) Enjoy your Blog.
    Becky

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  6. My brother-in-law just this week moved 500 miles from his wife and children to work while family is left behind until the house sells. Heartbreaking! I know several couples in their late 50s going through this kind of separation for work also. This might be a silly idea, but maybe you could find a young man who would help clean the garden in exchange for plants. My husband once cut down a tree in exchange for two gardenia bushes.

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  7. Ola Cielo yo entiendo tu sentimietos yo estado separada por el trabajo de mi esposo por 2 year ahor el bino pra Miami despues de estar en Utah por 1 year y contrabajo trabajo por un mes y quedo decempleado y ahora buelbe para Utah y mi Hija y yo quedamos sola otrabes es muy dificil 27 year de matrimony gracias ala economia muchas matrimony estan en esta cituacio solo pidele mucho a ese Cristo milacroso que es nuestro guia que te de fuerza como me la a dado ami y mi familia para seguir adelante siempre al final ahy algo major que Dios te bendiga y muchas suerto con tu nueva casita
    XOX
    No as sabido mas de Sandrita yo la e llamado pero no contesta
    Bendiciones

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  8. A difficult time, my Dear... No getting around it. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

    Uncertainty is the worst. My childhood had uncertainty in it, and for that reason, I really, really, really like to "be certain," about most everything. I feel for you.

    Wishing your present house, will sell, of course. Also in hopes that you will get another estimate on cleaning out/up your garden. Removing large plants, bushes, is not a job for you. It could result in a "bad back," for you to take to your new home... -sigh-

    Wondering if your husband will continue the search for your new home, when he arrives there?

    Questions... Questions... Questions... I hope this period of your life, will be resolved, sooooooooooon.

    Hugs,
    Tessa~

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  9. That is not easy to go through. But the most important thing is that you have one spot there and make it your "home" while you are there...a room a corner, something that is just perfect with all your favorite things, a spot that can hold you while you remain. Then find the stoic one within and "just do it" when it comes to the unfun parts, but play your best music while you do it. We are with you. blessings, lady

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  10. Oh, my dear, it is so natural to be depressed about all this.

    You just keep thinking about your bright and peaceful future - it's ahead for you, so don't let your worries and uncertainties take control.

    All shall be well, you will see it so clearly once you "get there."

    In the meantime, working hard will help you sleep and peacefully dream.

    Hugs and prayers to you both.

    Your friend,

    Michele

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  11. Big hugs, dear Cielo, as you step out into the unknown for a time.

    Wishing your husband ease in finding the house of your dreams, in the right location, in lovely surroundings, at the right price, and available only for you two. Wishing him well in his new job, too.

    Hang in there!

    More hugs!

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  12. Oh mi dulce Cielo. Que triste me hacen sentir tus palabras. Le pido a Dios que le brinde paz y tranquilidad a tu hermosa alma. Las cosas tarde o temprano cairan en su lugar. Trata de poner tu enfoque en todos los nuevos projectos que trendras.

    Hugs,

    Janet

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  13. Espero
    que
    pronto
    encuentres
    la
    casa
    de
    tus
    sueños.
    mientras
    tanto

    feliz
    Besos

    ReplyDelete

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