Back to the old emptied home at Parks Place. Where do I belong? I am practically homeless. A strange feeling—a feeling of not really belonging anywhere on earth, or rather, a feeling of pitiable lonesomeness and emptiness and abandonment fights inside my soul against my will.... it's an awful feeling; one I don't wish to harbor, and yet, from time to time these feelings take possession of my heart and split me without my consent; disconnecting me from my source of happiness. Breaking free is hard.
Yesterday afternoon was one of those dark moments. Finding the right home under the qualifications of a second home mortgage has proved disfavored and very discouraging. We can't find the right home, and the realtors are resisting cooperation already. Not until our house in the roses get sold we'll be free.
My husband had finally contacted his friend in Colombia—the owner of the house where we're staying at the moment, and has arranged for us to rent it... So renting will be.
On trying to shed light where shadows attempt to get a grip, I cleaned the emptied old house this morning, and we bought some kitchen utensils and such (we only had one dinner plate and one cup), and today, for the first time in three weeks, I cooked our first meal. What a good thing that was!
On trying to shed light where shadows attempt to get a grip, I cleaned the emptied old house this morning, and we bought some kitchen utensils and such (we only had one dinner plate and one cup), and today, for the first time in three weeks, I cooked our first meal. What a good thing that was!
We had butter pecan ice cream for dessert. My favorite.
And now the once emptied countertops hold a few very useful things
Vintage wallpaper and a 1960 blue carpet... ummm
So what do y'all think of it?
More vintage wallpaper... I kind of like it... you?
Love the front doors
The other night a storm passed through... one large branch broke off from one of the tallest trees and landed right on my favorite spot out in the back porch. It made some damage on the roof...
Don't know what to do with it
I'm trying to get used to the idea of renting. To make this house look something more like a home, or somewhat similar to my soul's own renderings I also bought a scented candle, and I bought some lovely silk roses... they'd have to do for now. I miss my roses terribly, but I'm finding out that roses don't do so great in this climate. Hydrangeas, however, are the queen of the land. And what a wonderful and exciting thing this is, as for years I tried to cultivate hydrangeas in our valley without any luck... perhaps, my new home here shall be named "the house in the hydrangeas"? We'll see. ;)
Looking homey already
Tomorrow is my birthday. I ask for inner peace. "Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” (St. Francis de Sales)
And maybe, later, I just like to be quiet and look around at all the little magical moments that layer my life and smile...
I'll be traveling back to the house in the roses this Sunday.
Can hardly wait to discover what new surprises await for me in my sweet garden.
See you all soon!
I'm sure it is hard right now as you are kind of in limbo but I'm sure it will work out fine in the end. I LOOOVE Hydrangeas. We vacation up north every summer and I'm like a little kid when I walk by house after house with ton of hydrangeas. The sometimes sell cut ones in the grocery store here in Miami and even those only last a day in this heat!
ReplyDeleteRenting is not so bad. That looks like a lovely house, wallpaper and all! Renting will give you ... time. Don't worry, it will all work out!
ReplyDeleteDear Cielo, I do hope you find a permanent home soon. I like your attitude, one which I need to have sometimes. We are looking at moving into a proper house, at the moment we live in a town house, and I do hope when it comes time to move and sell and buy that everything will work out well for us. I have heard some awful stories about people moving homes. Best of luck. K.
ReplyDeleteI know you miss your home but you will find the right home with a new garden. How about calling it " hydrangea hill?" I have had to rent for over 30 years as I cannot afford to buy since my husband left me. . In that 30 years I have had to move over 25 times. Each time I make the new rental home mine with great joy and gratitude. A flare for decorating helps which you definitely have! Best of luck on your new adventure and I look forward to updates on your new garden full of hydrangea.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Cielo....
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you have a temporary nest even if its not the one you want. Your forever home will reveal itself when the time is right and will be everything you dream of. So try not to be sad little gypsy girl, your future is bright...enjoy your special day.
A belated Happy Birthday wish to you, Dear One.
ReplyDeleteWhere to begin? With: I'm happy that you are not letting the "in-flux" sadness, consume you. Or with: I'm so sorry that buying/selling are so complicated, in these days.
But your rental home looks warm. It seems you will be able to add temporary touches (as you are already doing), to make it "your own nest." For the necessary time being.
I love the look of the nearly-to-the-floor windows!
And the flowered wallpaper... It's quite charming, for a while. :-)
Enjoy your House In The Roses garden, while there. With hopes that a sale will come quickly.
Gentle hugs,
Tessa~
Happy Birthday, dear Cielo!
ReplyDeleteI hope your time in your garden at The House in the Roses will give you peace and an appreciation for the adventure ahead. The House in the Roses will always be a part of you and perhaps you can take cuttings of your favorite flowers to put in your new garden so your gardens are linked to one another.
You've mentioned the Gulf Coast and the Appalachians so I wonder where you are moving? Have I missed your telling us where you new home will be?
Sending hugs!
You can make every house your own, with your own furnishing and ideas it will be soon yours, an empty house is never lively and not yet yours.
ReplyDeleteWish you luck,
Janny
I cannot imagine how excited that beautiful, empty house must be that you two, of all people, will be living there, bringing light, life, love, laughter... And what was that yummy looking meal? Yum! Hugs..
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your sweet and honest post, Cielo, I was left with so many different feelings--sadness because of your sadness (and I have somehow missed the move, etc.) but also admiration at your resolve. You are strong, I know you are--your passionate gyspy heart shows in every word and picture you share--so I know that this is a time given to you for reflection. I love Gayla's comment of how happy this temporary home must be to have you there. My best wishes to you as you walk into this new page in your life. ~Zuni
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