There is a rose thorn embedded in my heart, I must have swallowed it to get it there. It is sore and a little swollen. It is named 'the pain of separation'. This week, I have been forced to bring it forth, spit it out into my hand like I would a cherry pit, and see it for what it really is. We're moving. We have officially accepted the new position my husband had been offered. And thus, soon then Gypsy Caravan of life would be taking us to some new dimensions in the spirit, and perhaps, too, somewhere southeast through busy highways and country roads to our new home, in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains.
I've been creating my little world—my home and gardens here in the Magic Valley for a thousand years; nurturing it, shaping it; giving it forms and contours only I could had bestowed. I have seen it grow with wonder-filled eyes and admiration; as it took wings and swelled and it drank the sap of determination and hope and faith from my soul and became an intricate part of me, of who I am and what I am.
And thus, I am my house. I am my gardens. My soul is twined to them like a powerful and gentle vine to its surroundings...
But it is not the material what's keeping me angst and looking back; however. There are invaluable ties of infinitely importance to me—dear ones who I deeply love and whose soul and nature, in tiny ways, just as with my house and gardens, have been unassumingly and subtlety molded and shaped in goodness and kindness through the quiet ways of influence and love...
And thus, they are me. I am them.
Should I embrace the move? Forget I'm already emotionally loaded down with memories and the realization of just how much I will be missing out on the lives of those I'm leaving behind?
So many memories so many dreams and thoughts and imaginings and voyages and encounters too, in a garden I wanted believe "enchanted"... so many pleasurable hours and joyful moments and prayers, and laughter and tears too spilled and shared with roses and angels' whispers... how many dresses and skirts and hairdos and hair colors how many pirouettes in the air and songs offered to sapphire skies; how many flip flops and shoeless days and petals tattooed on the skin... how many seasons and witches and adventures left behind....
...and my dearest daughter and sweet little Pebbles the light of my heart—I cannot fathom the idea of becoming a stranger to her...
A painful thorn. There is a rose thorn embedded in my heart.
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I can't imagine what you have to do. I have never been attached to any location on this Earth though I have left legacies of gardens for each place. I have always thought of myself as the garden that moves and can get up and leave to plant myself in any place and add beauty anew. I don't know what to say. I only know that you will create more magic in a place that needs you more. Only a thing of beauty can be born of such pain of separation.
ReplyDeleteEvery time we moved, even if only a few miles, I moved all my garden rocks, stepping stones, heavy pots and whiskey barrels (filled with my good soil), and many plants. Of course we had farm trucks, a pickup, and a loader for the heavy stuff. Hope you can do the same. But it does take a while to grow the beauties that you have in your present garden. May you have the blessing of many years in your new home and lots of visits to your sweethearts!♥♫
ReplyDeleteI, too am a grandmother and feel your pain. I will be praying for you Cielo. <3
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ReplyDeleteJust think of the fun your going to have making a new garden. Take some of your beautiful plants with you,
ReplyDeleteAnd in no time you will have stunning garden again. Your blogging friends will always be with you.
I wish you the very best of luck in your new adventures.
Mary
I cannot blame you for the emotions you are going through. I have always thought that you lived in Heaven on Earth in your beautiful home and garden. I am one that hates changes, but that is what this life is and it makes up grow. You can look at it this way, you leave behind a home and garden that hopefully someone will cherish as much as you do and you will create another garden of eden in your new home. I wished I could have bought your home right now.
ReplyDeleteI am a grandmother also, Cielo. And I have experienced separation like this. We had our precious granddaughter with us every day and more for ten years caring for her while her single mom worked. Then the thing we had all prayed for happened! She met a wonderful man and they married. Then the thing that was unexpected--they moved because of a better job for him. I won't say this won't be painful but there will be blessings too---the times together are full and wonderful even if they are not daily. I am praying for you. And a new garden will be a learning experience but filled with joy also----I am praying for you:).
ReplyDeleteI guess that the position that your husband was offered is a better opportunity so you should try to embrace the move. Good luck, you may love your new place even more!
ReplyDeleteOh my Dear, I have no real words of comfort. I can feel your pain, at leaving. It comes through, in your words. And I wish I could wrap you in gentle hugs...
ReplyDeleteThe magic garden/surroundings, you can create anew.
But time with family, you can't have the same, when far away. And there are no words to ease this ache.
Gentle hugs,
"Auntie"
Cielo, you have always made your friends feel a part of every step in your perfect little garden, every new creation whether a breakfast quiche or a new bouquet for your table. Your words include us all in your world so we feel the sadness in your heart. I too have a house and garden that is my haven and the thought of leaving would be very hurtful. All the gifts you possess come from your soul and can never be taken from you. As an artist sits before a blank canvas, you have a whole new world to create so paint with your heart little gypsy and your creation will be a masterpiece..
ReplyDeleteRelocating is always very difficult especially when leaving family behind! Change is something that happens in our lives everyday but we are so bad at it and with good reason! :D You will be fine my friend and I think if you can look at this as an adventure - a turning of a page in your book it might even become exciting!
ReplyDeleteHugs with much understanding,
Beth P
Cielo, este es tu nuevo destino. Vendran mejores oportunidades y tendras nuevas aventuras. Un nuevo lugar para llenar con amor, crear otro jardin magico y una nuevo espacio para convertir en un hogar. Suerte a tu esposo con su nuevo trabajo. Tiene que ser algo muy especial.
ReplyDeleteCarino,
Janet
rosemary-thyme.blogspot.com
Oh, Cielo! I feel so sad. Your granddaughter will never think of you as a stranger---ever. You are the magic, the enchantment, the ethereal, the total power in your garden... It is you, so it will travel through the countryside to wherever you are. I believe God knew you would be making this move when he awakened the gypsy spirit and soul in you. They had such energy to find the beauty in each travel... You do that! I feel torn for you.. It will be so hard because some places are alive... I have never stopped missing my home but I am so blessed to have my family... You are going to be much closer to your parents. What I'm trying to say is... I feel for you, and I believe in you and in the good that has encircled your life. Wonders, magical witches, wildflowers and love will be yours wherever you go....
ReplyDeleteCielo - this must be such a difficult time for you, sweetie. Try to think of it as a new adventure for you both; a chance to weave your magic into a new home and garden; an opportunity to meet new friends and wrap your love around their hearts. The Appalachian mountains are so achingly beautiful - and I can see you creating a mystical, beautiful, and welcoming home there. It will be a place for your sweet granddaughter to visit and to spend vacation time. Take as much from your garden as you can, my friend. Transplant the magic in your new garden and let it grow. ♥ Love and hugs as you begin your new journey, sweetie!
ReplyDeletexoxo laurie
Oh my dear one,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. Change can be so so difficult.
Love always finds a way. And you are going towards the Light of Love!
I can understand the thorn. But I know you will plant more roses.
ReplyDeleteI live in the southeast in GA. There are good things and bad things (the humidity). I hope you find a home you love and soon have a beautiful garden outside your window.
Oh, I missed the part about moving away from your daughter and grand. I know that will make it harder for you. I hope you will be able to make many trips to see them.
ReplyDeleteOh my heart goes out to you. It is so hard to move. I become so one with my home too. The one I am in now is a restoration of the first one that we lost. I have yet to see my garden grow as lush and deep as yours so I cannot imagine havingg to leave it. May you find a new home that wraps itself around you and eases the loss of this one. Hugs. Oxox
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